1/24/23
well .. guess who's home sick again -_- i think i've gotten sick more this past fall/winter than i have in my entire life (＞﹏＜) i don't wanna talk too much about it because it's not the most pleasant of topics, but let's just say with all of the stomach issues i've been having i'm relieved that i haven't thrown up once, lol. but it sucks that i'm missing school this week, because i was already out for part of the day yesterday due to an appointment and it'll happen again on thursday,, and it's the last week of the marking period! and an exam week, so i have a midterm tomorrow! and one less day to finish work because i have friday off! waaaagh
but onto happier topics .. did you hear panic! at the disco broke up? it's about time! brendon sucks and he was really the only guy in the band for a long time anyways. and the music just seemed to get worse and worse for the most part .. a fever you can't sweat out were amazing, vices and virtues was fine, i don't care about to weird to live to rare to die at all, death of a bachelor is an outlier since i did enjoy some of the songs, but everything past that absolutely sucked. i haven't even listened to viva las vengeance and i don't plan to anytime soon .. plus the fact that i saw zero fanfare about it online before it dropped really says something. the horse that was p!atd was begging to die, and brendon finally listened to its cries. there's still that tour in europe, but given that nobody really cared about the other tours in 2022, i doubt i'll care about that much; panic is good as dead to me now.
...and ryan ross if you're somehow reading this you would be the FUNNIEST fucking person on earth if you announced something music-related right about now :P
1/13/23
happy friday the thirteenth :D unfortunately i'm once again sick, so i've spent yesterday and today at home .. but today i'm feeling a bit better so it's not horrible lolol
i've been trying to practice my art more, because i'm stuck in a slump where i feel like all the art i make sucks T_T hopefully i can prove myself wrong soon...
1/4/23
first post of the new year! i know this is labelled as "winter 2022" but whatever. if you have a problem with it make your own diary page lol
anywayzzzzz .. i beat the second palace in p5r last night ^__^ i was worried i wouldn't because my team seemed to lose hp really easily when i investigated the palace, but the final battle was actually pretty easy.
12/30/22
i used to think that it was okay that i was bad at understanding others, because i was autistic, and that's something common for autistic folk. but i feel like i'm just... too bad at understanding others. i'm sorry i'm too frustrated to figure out what i really wanna say here hhrghrhrh
12/29/22
hi! sorry for disappearing again... it was a mix of executive dysfunction && winter vacation (T_T) butttt i'm here now so hi :)
i finally got p5r!! i've already beat the first palace and i began investigating the second one yesterday. i'm really enjoying it so far! my grandma also got me infinity on high on cd... big win for autism. i already have tttyg and fad on cd, i only need futct and i'll have the entire pre-hiatus set (っ•﹏•)っ and then comes the post-hiatus cds!! speaking of fall out boy, i'm super excited for the new stuff they're teasing .. that small clip of new music is what's keeping me going at the moment (silly)
12/17/22
i don't like the feeling of being stuck between two things. tension between the fall out boy and my chem fanbases has been considerably bigger the past couple of days for reasons i don't feel like getting into, and my brain's been using it to say that i need to choose between one of these bands or else i'm a bad person. maybe that doesn't make any sense to others, but thoughts of those nature, of needing to choose or else i'm bad, are common for me. it's like that with other things as well... i think the biggest example was probably feeling like i needed to choose between friendgroups that would very much hate each other (i only got out of this one because one of them kicked me out). and even if it's not a clear-cut "choose one or you're bad" situation, there's still a feeling of being stuck present in my life; i feel like i'm constantly watching a battle between my id and super-ego play out, a war featuring impulse and rage versus morality and control. i don't know if that's the best way to describe it, but it's what i have.
but enough venting. i think i've been doing okay despite it all; i've been trying to do schoolwork and i think i'm somewhat succeeding. i somehow got the second-highest score in my grade for an ap multiple choice test, which made me happy, given that i tend to worry that i'm doing badly in that class. my theater class has been putting on a talent show for the past few classes for our major project this marking period, and i was supposed to dance yesterday... though i performed one move and got so anxious i yelled at my teacher to stop the music. i managed to secure two more weeks for practice, so hopefully that won't happen again ;-;
12/08/22
about time i made the new diary page... i was going to do it earlier in the week but i physically couldn't T_T blame the executive dysfunction
yesterday i went on a field trip, but my favorite part was the ride to and from where we went. i don't consider that a bad thing though,, i think i just really like traveling and seeing towns pass by.
